A Ding Dong Extravaganza

I'm going to do this recap and most of this weeks events in bullet points, because all of my memories are disjointed due to my alcohol abuse, here we go:

West Chester Party

• Going to and from Dinger's house reminded me of an driving around Connecticut on an average weekend, harrowing turns at excessive speeds, nearly driving into ditches, in other words, Good times!!!! I love how on the way home Justin and I were driving nearly at the speed of sound, weaving in and out of traffic. It beats going 10 MPH down Lancaster any day.
• My participation at Ding Dongs Party can be classified as anti-social and social at the same time. I spent about 57% of my time hanging out with the kin of Dinger, which provided me with great entertainment and much positive utility. As people were coming to the party I sat with Mrs. Ding Dong and commented on the people coming up the driveway. While she mostly commented on the physical characteristics and the one or two situations or interactions she had with them, I provided the background information, that she was craving for. It was a dynamic duo of "dissing."
• Most of the party was standard in terms of our group of friends, and there were few notable points. There were some deviations from a normal "our type" of party that happened in West Chester, and I am sure they will be covered by others, but here are a few interesting points. 1) The massive amounts off food prevented us all from getting too out of control. Mama Ding Dong made sure we all were good and fattened up. 2) Sean and I were pretty much anti social for about an hour and a half of the night. We ended up talking to Papa Dinger and the clone that is Dingers Little brother about anything and everything. Once Mama came into the room though she crap started flowing from our mouths, and the facade that Dinger had put up for the past 4 years about being "a good kid" came crumbling down. 3) Jinelle really thinks she is going to marry/be with Dinger for a long time, and decided to broadcast this to the entire family. How Mrs. Dinger quashed this idea bluntly and forcefully on numerous occasions were some of my personal highlights of the evening. 4) Justin was being hunted all night, as Kelli tried valiantly to bring him back to the plantation. He deserves credit as he avoided her advances, although succumbing to her advances a few nights later.

Random Ramblings

Ok so finals sucked the life out of me for the past week, but now I am back to normal, and not the 30% more irritable and 50% more sleep deprived person I have been for the past week. Anyways despite my feeble attempts to study there have been a bunch of stupid things that have happened to me in the past week or so. So in reverse chronological order here is my week:

• Last night Justin threw his party over in their apartment complex, which as I have mentioned before was made for cheating husbands who have been caught by their wives and are in the doghouse. Basically it is too nice of a place for rowdy drunks like ourselves. Sean and I decided to get there early, as we both didn't eat anything all day in preparation of the feast that we knew Justin would prepare. So we walk in and Justin is talking to a very attractive girl, who is no other than the LSL. The "Law School Lover" has become a a myth and a legend for the past few weeks, and usually this sort of anticipation leads to disappointment....
• Nope. She was just about what I expected. So obviously the first question I ask Dinger as soon as I am done introducing myself to her is when is Kelly coming over, because interesting confrontation is what I live for. Like a giddy 12 year old he chirps that she will be there any minute. At this point I decided I would sit down at the kitchen table and enjoy the show. As usually Kelly comes in with some excellent food that is prepared and presented like a veteran housewife of at least 10 years. When she walks in she immediately eyes her Ex, and sits down. Kelly is quite perceptive and notices that this one good looking girl is the only one who is not part of the normal crew who comes over, and after about ten minutes she sets upon her mission....The cockblock. As Justin leaves LSL alone for about 1 1/2 minutes Kelly makes her move and with her normal flair of a vaudeville actor, she starts waving her arms and talking to this girl about anything, to keep her away from our protagonist. She even goes as far as telling LSL how her and Justin met. I think I just puked in my mouth. Kelly basically saw her out the door after talking her ear off and glaring at Justin as he hugged her goodbye. Once she left nothing else basically happened, except Kelly basically chasing Justin around the room trying to sit next to him, and her glaring at me as I had a smoke outside. Dinger was his normal entertaining self, but we all know his normal shenanigans.

• Rewinding back to Monday night I had my final MBA class, and a short presentation to prepare with my group, to present as the end of our semester long project. Well my group and I were done preparing by 6:00 and the class started at 7:00. What to do? What to do? Go drinkin at Gulliftys!!! So for an hour before our presentation we drank and bullshitted about anything and everything. This diverse group consisted of a 29 year old accoutnant who wants to smoke up with me, a 25 year old full time grad student with a bad attitude, and a 34 year old salesman with kids who looks like he is 20. So we along with our 5th group member who couldn't make it to the bar (a pussy whipped guy in his mid 30's with three kids, who works for J.P. Morgan) strolled into class a lil tipsy, smelling of alcohol and laughing it up. Of course as soon as we get into class we found out we had to go first. We got up and after I slurred my way through a shitty presentation, and then heard all the other dork grad students in my class talk about their boring projects it was time to go home. So I walked to my car getting ready to do a little studying for my marketing final the next day. So where do I end up?????
• Kelly's!!! My group members all decided it would be a good idea to go get more shitty so we got together with a few other people from my class and went there and bullshitted around for a while. I love drinking with old people. The bill came to like 89484 dollars or so and I think I ended up paying 10 dollars for like 7 beers throughout the night. Also one of my group members offered me a free place to live for a couple weeks this summer, so I can look for places at my convenience :) Once I was good and liquored up I tried to come home and study for a few minutes before I realized how drunk I was. Whatev, I smoked the test the next day, marketing is such a major for stoners.

• Friday was only noteworthy because of Sean. Sean decided to sell his body to get a free cheesesteak. His friends, Andy and Ryan got a kick out of this, and Ryan ended his night buying a nasty hot dog from the gas station for the 4th night in a row. Apparently they don't make grey colored hotdogs down in Florida, so he had to eat his share while he was up here

• Thursday night was probably the most notable night of the past week or so, except for the Kelly jealousy situation last night. This was a legendary night because it is not often that all of our friends get ridiculous, (except for Greg who studied Greek and continued his non participation streak to over 3 weeks) and we can thank our good old reliable friend, our power hour CD, circa 2003. After 60 minutes of classic songs such as "Summer Girls" by LFO, we decided to get rowdy, and when you live in a house of Irishman this was not hard. Some of the things we decided were good ideas:

1) Justin and I decided it would be fun to shotgun beers in our kitchen. After Justin successfully spilled half of his beer on himself, he completed his first ever shotgun. He is a senior ladies and gents, this is sad.

2) About 2 minutes later Tim and I decided it would be fun to light our kitchen floor on fire with lighter fluid and a lighter, the reasoning behind this is still undetermined. There were about 100 things that could have gone wrong in this situation, but the only injury was Tim's burned finger the next morning.

3) When it was time to wrap the night up Sean and I thought it would be funny to force Justin to stay over for the night....so basically we just beat the crap/wrestled him for 30 minutes before Ding Dong came and picked him up. Justin got drunk,smoked cigarettes, shotgunned a beer, and wrestled with both me and Sean. It is official!! He IS single!!

Ok I'm done. Time to get ready to go to Dinger's house for his party.

This could have been so much trouble. 

Funny Faces all around, p.s. Justin has smoked like 4 cigarettes in his life, can you tell?? 

Sean has a front row seat to the cockblocking 

The Art of Courting

I really love to observe human interaction, and in no place is it more fun to watch than at your local bar or pub. I'm convinced these places exist for the sole purpose of breaking down people's inhibitions and creating a meeting point for old people to interact(yes if you are a college senior you are old), now that the days of the frat party are long gone. When I go there usually I have more fun watching people interact then actually creating new contacts myself. Partially this has to do with my self confidence issues compared to the guido Italians who infiltrate our school, and partially it has to do with my apathy, being that I am a Senior. Anyways my psychological problems not withstanding I have noticed there are basically only 2 different styles of courting that happens at the bar. These three styles can be personified, and here I am going to call one the "Benny" and one the "Dinger" personality. This will be fun!

The "Benny" Guy

This type of guy's attitude at the bar is like a lion roaming the grassland in search of a zebra.....He is on the prowl and looking for something to seek his teeth into. The "Benny" guy takes chances, swings for the fences and doesn't fear striking out with a girl. In other words a "Benny" guy doesn't leave room for "what if" and makes sure he exhausts possibilities before he moves on. A "Benny" guy also moves on quickly. He doesn't get discouraged by a failure or 2 and doesn't like to drag things out. This can be seen in a "Benny" guys dating habits too as he rarely lets a bad situation get out of hand. A "Benny" guy usually see a bad situation developing and gets out of it before it takes it's inevitable roll down hill. He might stick around for a few last minute and post dating hook ups, but mentally he moves on and breaks off the relationship quickly and decisively, not getting caught in the vicious cycle of making up and breaking up constantly.

The "Dinger" Guy

In direct contrasts to the "Benny" guy the Dinger is relatively passive at the bar. He only really interacts with people he is accustomed to and doen't reach out and try to meet any incremental people. The Dinger isn't aggressive and only ends up talking to new girls who approach him, usually meaning that they are quite aggressive and controlling. Once the "Dinger" guy gets into a relationship he is the opposite of a "Benny" guy as he tries to gain control and play mind games to try to gain the necessary upper hand needed to deal with the aggressive type girl. A "Dinger" guy tends to get caught up in the break up and make up cycle, as his passivity in social situations means he is nervous about meeting and finding another girl. He therefore will stay with a girl irregardless if he is still interested until he finds another one, due to his insecurity.

Ok so you might be asking why the fuck did I bring this up, and that is a very valid question. While the rest of us don't fall into these categories exactly, it is a sliding scale. The reason I bring this up is because in doing an analysis of myself, I feel that I am closer towards a "Dinger" Guy than a "Benny" guy and I am not happy about it. I feel insecurity is what drives someone to be more of a "Dinger" guy that a "Benny" guy, and that I personally leave bars and social situations with too many unanswered questions. I feel that striking out is much better when you go down swinging, and that being passive at this stage of the game is for pussies. In other words I just wanted to get into writing my formal declaration that I will now try to be more of a "Benny" guy and truly not give a shit. If this doesn't work, fine, but I am in need of a change of attitude and mentality. I am always open to trying new things and I feel that nearing graduation and Senior Week this would be a prime time to test out new things. I also have some new thoughts on dating that I have been thinking about that I will share very shortly.....

When it rains.....It pours

Since my teachers have all been cunts and decided that "Hey Matty you don't have enough work in trying to find a job, let me assign you 10 papers and make you work your ass off the last week of college" I've been super busy this week. Anyways yesterday was just one of those days, and by those days I mean one where every possible thing that can go right did go right....very, very good times. Sean and his Floridian friends, Andy and Ryan, and I all went down to Baltimore to see the Orioles play. Now this was a great time for many reasons, but ill just hit on the highlights, because my fingers are sore from typing from typing nonstop since Sunday.

1) The entire ride down was like a memory of high school...I was in the back seat typing away a paper as Andy and Ryan drank the entire way down in the car.....just like back in CT the open container rule in the car doesn't apply to me or my friends. We have done this over 50 times and never had trouble once, pointdexters and rule oriented people like Justin and James can't seem to grasp the fun of doing pointless and retarded things like this.

2) They were handing out free candy bars at the game! Yes! Fatty Matty approves of this!

3) The users at this midday game were either left over from the Hitler Youth days. In a stadium that seats 49,000 people there were like 17,00o in attendance, yet these geniuses were making sure everyone sat in their exact seat. I thought the Yankee Stadium ushers were anal retentive until I met these morons. Like there is less cleaning up to do if everyone sits in sections together, making less work for the stadium clean up people, no wonder why the Orioles have sucked for for the past 8 years, even their staff is half retarded.

4) So 2 companies I was interviewing with, J.P. Morgan and the Sherlock Company called me to offer me jobs DURING the game....This was interesting because

• I was drinking and a little tipsy at the point they called
• I could barely hear them due to stadium noise
• and that I actually was coherent and had enough sense to tell each of them I would "get back to them in a few days, because I needed to think about it." I'm surprised my poor drunk ass wasn't like "MONEY! I NEED IT! SIGN ME UP TODAY!" but I played it cool

Its kinda funny how you are supposed to play it cool with a company and say "I'll get back to you in a few days." As Sean and I were discussing, this type of statement puts you in the power position, and it is very similar to being a little mysterious and shady with a girl. It is amazing how many skills in life are crossfunctional.

Anyways ill discuss my decision process later this week, but I think I have a good grasp on my course of action. needless to say this makes my motivation for this week drop from a 10% to around a 4.3%, not good when I still have an assload of work to do.

5) So we went out to Sink or Swim last night and luckily Ryan and Andy were somewhat impressed with our scene, which is pretty cool considering I saw about 5 of the 25 hottest girls I have ever seen while on their campus 2 years ago. Anyways when we got home I had an IM waiting for me on my comp from a person I had been wanting to talk to forever.....when good things start raining down they really do pour.

Ok now time to go to my last class ever! I think that statement would be a lot cooler if I was like 8 years old and in like 3rd grade and wasn't realizing I have 40 years of work ahead of me after May 22. I have some interesting thoughts about that day as a breaking point of many things in my life, but ill discuss that later after I come back from class.

Happy Cinco De Mayo!! I'm going to pretend this holiday matters to me and celebrate it to the best of my abilites!!

Apparently someone is going to hire me to work for them this year....if they only knew;) 

A Friday Prequel

So after all of the hijinks and hilarity that ensued on Friday evening, totally forgot to mention what happened in my life during the day. Looking back I really think that I ended up doing more interesting things on this day than my past two weeks combined, I felt like a useful member of society for once instead of being Sean's video game cheering section in our apartment as I often find myself.

So basically my day started about 2 hours before normal and I drove the surpisingly quickly down to Delaware to interview for J.P. Morgan. Driving through Delaware really is like driving on the autobahn, I have never seen a cop in on the road, and I have never driven less than 85 mph through there. So I got to the J.P. Morgan compound around 9:45 for my 10 a.m. interview, yes for once I wasn't dragging ass and actually made it somewhere early, go me! Well at 10:02 I was still lost in the never ending parking lot maze that is the J.P. Morgan compound, and I had to sheepishly ask for directions to the front building from the parking lot, great first impression right?

Luckily for me 10:05 is when my day started getting good. At the compound I was to meet with 3 different people back to back to back, so I was expecting a test of stamina, so I drank a bottle of water before I went in to prevent the dreaded dry mouth, and I entered the compound. Some of my previous problems in interviews was getting nervous about the questions and drawing blanks, which led to sometimes very awkward silences. Well I don't know what got into me, but as soon as I got into the office I was in the "interview zone" where I basically left at 11:45 feeling super confident as some of the guys I met with basically were talking to me about "when" I work there and not "if." By the end of the third one I really felt like I could have just set up a tape recorder in the room and played my answers from the previous ones, I was so dialed in and had such good responses I even surprised myself. I'll hear back from them on Tuesday but im about 75% sure im getting an offer, good times.

So what is a good way to spend the rest of your afternoon after you spend all day talking about yourself? That's right go on another interview! So after an awesome talk with my dad about his new job (we both were apparently impressing potential bosses left and right today today) on my hour ride to blue bell to interview with NVR Mortgage, I arrived there right on time. I had talked to Megan, my interviewer on the phone a few days earlier, and I knew she was like in her early 20's by her voice. So anyways since it is casual Friday she comes strolling down the hall, looking like any girl at Villanova would on a given day. Anyways being the idiot that I am I figure, what the hell, im going to have some fun with this situation. So being that I was already interviewed by 3 people so far today the answering questions part and talking about my experiences part was a joke....I had already spewed out these pre conceived answers 3 times already, I decided eh, I'm not a professional yet, so why not flirt with the semi hot girl who is interviewing me. So what the fuck I decided here goes nothing, and if she sensed I was flirting with her she would probably just think I was being super outgoing. Well guess what about 3 minutes into the interview session, she was bored asking the same old shit questions too, and she was flirting right back at me! It was ridiculous, as I definitely used some of the dumbest examples ever to describe my experiences, because I was bored with my same old responses. Yet as I was joking on myself for using such irrelevant situations to describe myself, she was defending my answers for me, saying things like "oh good example this shows your assertiveness", or "this shows what a good leader you are" when my answers were such horseshit. I really started thinking of dumber and dunber examples as I went along, but it never phased her...and at the end she said "it was GREAT meeting you" with such a severe emphasis it was almost comical. I definitely have never had more fun in an interview, as I simultaneously most likely got a second interview, and totally entertained myself at the same time. I guess it was just turning out to be one of those days where everything was working out for me....

Uninvited Guests

So I have been doing this blogging thing for approximately 8 hours and I have already pissed people off, it's funny how my point of view and simple observations can upset people. I've thought about changing my site name or somehow password protecting this site, but I came to one conclusion. Fuck it. I am going to write things on here for myself and they enjoyment of the people who I want to read my slighted viewpoints and stupid attempts at humor. If people are offended fuck it, its my site and my thoughts.

A random thing I thought about today:

I enjoy giving people shit about things. I enjoy getting shit thrown back at me. By shit I mean jokes not monkey style. I blame this character trait solely on my father, as in my life he is the "Godfather of giving people shit."Sometimes I really go a little too far though, case in point my interaction with Justin this week. Justin is the type of person who takes abuse on a daily basis and internalizes about 99% of it. Now being that he is a good spirited kid you never even know when he is mad at you, and being from a family that overanalyzes and teases everything you say this is a foreign concept to me, vebalization is a way of life. So today I pissed Justin off and he snapped...this situation totally reminded me of the "Serentiy Now" episode in Seinfeld where Justin is the metaphorical Kramer and I am the metaphorical 25 computer he destroys. He was frustrated and took it out on me, no hard feelings. This made me think though, I give Justin a ton of shit because he is so good natured about it, and not because he necessarily deserves it. Now on the other hand the other resident of his apartment operates under such fuzzy logic and almost gives out about 1000 more times shit then he gets, and constantly hammers Justin about his life and the way he does things. The same person who claims he has no girlfriend yet:
1) physically still dates the girl
2)has this person spend over 50% of nights at his place and
3) doesn't actively pursue other girls
.......is the one who gives Justin shit for "still being in a relationship" and talking to his ex gf. This is insanity! Justin ends a relationship a respectable way, and his roommate who is in a relationship but operates under some fantasy that he is single is the one who starts the shit! On a side note I feel there is a certain craze especially in my circle of friends, where people are claim they are not dating and they actually are. Im not sure if this is just an isolated phenomenon, but if you:

• spend more time with a girl than any of your friends
• hook up with her consistently
• have her stay over semi regularly
• have her run errends for you

She IS your girlfriend, I don't care how you justify it! I never remember being in any relationship and actually signing a legal paper saying "I am officially so and so's boyfriend." It is amazing how we as college seniors can act like 12 year old school girls.

Anyways basically this post is shit, but I have in a long winded way decided that I need to take it easy on Justin and stop joking on him so he can work on his FASB's. Oops there I go again!