What a freaking week.

A week ago today I was sitting in the Yankee right field bleachers trying to draw emotions out of Katie Dip. She told me about Sam's sexuality (doesn't like vaginas) and I laughed at her because of her undying love for him. On the way home I tried to make her get emotional by playing sappy country songs(I know I am a horrible person). The game ended around 9:20 but I got home around 2:30 thanks to a 2 hour stint at the bar, a 1:30 ride to Hoboken (the Holland tunnel is my least favorite Hudson River Crossing) and an 1:30 drive home. Okay now some quick hits from my first week in Newark.

Friday
Met the roommates and had drinks. The bad omen of having a black cat next door that like to hang out around my car (not kidding) begins.

I get a flat tire at the bar and have to drunkenly change my tire before I drive home

Me and my roommate Eric dominate beer pong like no other, and have an overall good night.

Sunday

After coming back from Jen's grad party I go out to the Italian festival in Wilmington. I try not to get drunk, but the inner lush in me wins again, and I drink, but go to bed early. I see that fucking black cat hanging out around my car again.

Monday

I am a professional. I wait almost 2 hours before someone comes into the lobby to let me in the building. Apparently both of my bosses are out on my first day. Yea, waiting around really got me annoyed.

In the lobby I made a new friend. All of you actually know him. I lived with him for a year in St. Mary's and went to school together for 4 years. His name is Ryan Ward. We never had a serious convo in life, but now we work on the same floor about 100 feet from each other. We exchanged #'s and talked about our experiences whenever we see eachother later in the week. It's a small world.

Coming home from work my life starts going to shit. I get a parking ticket and my car starts lurching forward and riding like a bad roller coaster from the 1930's. Not good times. Fucking cat. I buy some transmission fluid to try to fix the problem. I make appointments at AAMCO and for a rental car.

Tuesday

The worst day of my life. My away message told it all:

Today:car breaks down coming home from work in rush hour
I call a tow truck, as people holler at me. At the same time phone goes out so I have no contact with the world besides a payphone.
Cop comes and gives me flares and feels bad about my shitty situation
Tow truck brings me to AAMCO, 10 miles from house.
Tow truck driver is an asshole and leaves me there, by saying "adios amigo"
I call cab and $32 later I end up at Wachovia
I buy a 12 pack, and walk half a mile home from work at 8: 15
3 hours to go 7 miles.
UGGGGHHHHHHHH.

Wednesday

I get to work late after I get picked up and brought to the rental car place (thank god for Enterprise) and get equipped with my very own Kia Rio......Possibly the cheapest car to ever surface on this earth. Like it has automatic nothing, I have my first car since 1988 that I have to roll down my own windows, and open up my door manually.

I then went and dropped my keys off at AAMCO and went to JP Morgan, aka office space. In a later post I will detail everyone in my department and pick them apart. But I really do work at INNETEC or however you spell it. I do love thee food at work though if I don't watch it Ill be one of those 300 pound 40 yr old heffers that graze around the building.

I have noticed quite a few attractive females around the office. Too bad professional clothing makes them look like shit. Oh yeah its employees appreciation week so we get free lunch one day, water ice another and other shit. This was cool.

Today (Thursday)
Every night this week there have been random people (mostly girls) strewn around our house when I wake up. My roommates like to party to around 2 every morning and today was the first time I have slept more than 4 consecutive hours. I don't care ut this place will be def fun for weekends. My roommate Eric and I have decided we are going to move for the fall semester to a nicer house. We need to throw the nice college parties of course, and we need a better venue. I also found out I live on the biggest party street at UDEL.

I didn't have car trouble or issues at all today, this was good. I still drive a Kia with Jersey plates though, sigh.

I joined a gym today. It is super cheap and has raquetball, a track, a ton of cardio, a nice weight room, and a pool. It only cost me $110 for 3 months, yes! The last time they redesigned the place, probably 1985. Also I really miss seeing all young people at the gym. I mean what do you think is better seeing attractive 20 year old girls or naked old men? I miss college, ugh.

Oh one random thing. Did our generation miss the memo that it's cool for you to walk around the locker room naked. Like was this socially acceptable back in the 70's, and it just carried over, because I could never imagine me or any of my contemporaries doing this. Like I have to stare at the ceiling to avoid seeing disgusting flesh.

So anyways I'm probably going away this entire weekend in my Kia and I'll try to update you all on my travels. Oh P.S. my car needs a new transmission. $2,300 dollars. Good thing my dad is being cool and paying for the entire thing or I would be poor as shit.

Newark, Delaware

So today I wnet down to Delaware to hand in some paperwork, and also to check out the local area, along with my house. Since I'm lazy tonight I'm going to list the positives and negatives of my life starting next week.

Positives

• I really do live half a block from a college campus, and along with that about 100 feet from a park with tennis courts.
• I saw a really cool college bar within walking distance of where I live
• There are 3 Wawa's on my short 12 minute trip to work everyday, YES!
• JP Morgan is about half a mile from Delaware Park horse racing track.
• I saw a bunch of youngish decently attractive people while walking around the JP Morgan Campus.
• I still am only 30 min away from Philly and only 1 hr from Baltimore.
• I love no sales tax already.
• Everyone at JP Morgan seems to take super long lunch breaks.
• UDEL is A LOT bigger then I thought. Even though it is a state school i always had underestimated its size. This is one thing I felt I missed at Nova, the big state school experience.
• I never realized how amazing the benefits are at JP. I really think I would take this job for 5K less because of the crazy benefits.
• I really like JP Morgans current commercial. I just wanted to make that known.

Negatives

• I still live in a shitty state
• I'm nervous I will be bored of Delaware in like a month in a half.
• I don't know anyone in Delaware, so its going to be like Fall 2001, with all the butterflies and nervousness all over again.
• I have 0.0 friends to go to that cool college bar with.
• I can't watch the Yankees fuck up on local TV every day like I do here.
• Going home and to NYC is about 25 minutes longer from my new location.

Basically I'm pretty excited about moving here now, and I feel like a freshman all over again. Hopefully my work expereince will go the same way as my freshman year, without 3 things:

1) A Yankees World Series Loss in 7 games (I'm reading a book now all about the end of the Yankees dynasty, ugh)

2) An eccentric and emotioanlly retarded GF.

3) Sean leaving my sink full of puke and not cleaning it up.

I got a cramp from laughing at this muppet charachter, here is her decription:Follow the adventures of Candy the crack whore as she gives head for smack. Kids will love this rambunctious character because they never know when she's going to throw up or go into a coma next. She can help kids learn a valuable lesson about the street price of drugs and how to take care of the skank bitch that encroaches on your territory for business. Candy will also teach kids how to be resourceful by showing them how to abandon their unwanted babies on people's door steps or in dumpsters (whichever is more convenient).
 

I'm an adult?

After being home for a week I have realized that the more I am at home, the more I dislike myself. When I am home, each day I lose around 7% motivation to do stuff, so currently I am at around 50% motivation, and therefore currently sitting on my couch watching sports. During this past week my days have been based around eating, working out, watching TV, writing the dreaded thank you letters, and setting up my new apartment, a very boring combo. But breaking up this monotony of my life was this weekend. While Saturday night was about 3 times as eventful as Friday, they were both solid nights. I can't believe that in 2 short weeks I will be living my entire week for these 48 hour intervals, wow thinking about that makes me want to get shot in the face.

Friday

Friday was a very typical "Matt at home" night. I have to say while I love my friends at home I am much more lethargic in planning what to do on nights at home, so this night revolved around me going and visiting one of my best friends ever, Charlotte. Since the 3 people who read this don't know Charlotte, I would describe her as a "Connecticut Kara with a twist." Actually now that I think about it this has to be an entry, the similarities are pretty stunning. Anyways Char wasn't feeling up to going out to the bar, as her favoribility for people from our high school is not very high. Where I really don't really like seeing about 50% of the people from those years her number is around 95%. So in absence of going out to a bar, her parents offered us a couple bottles of wine, and an amazing venue to bullshit about the past 6 months of our lives: her house. So basically the advantages of this night was drinking expensive wine for free, a plush setting, and no background notice to distract me from talking to one of my best friends. The negatives: not being able to laugh at the idiots from high school. So after a few glasses the stories started flowing like crazy, and since you all know what I have been doing for the past 4 years hers are a much better topic.

Since Charlotte has about 100 good stories I want to focus in on only the two moat amazing ones she told me, one good and one bad.

The Good
Charlotte is a decently smart girl but really is someone who has been helped along in her life more through connections and her economic situation. She has always aspired to go to medical school since I met her, and despite her average grades she is going to medical school, just not in the U.S. Now this might sound shitty having to leave the country to go to school, until you see the pictures of her school. While I will be working in gloomy Delaware for the next 6 months to 1 year, Charlotte will be studying medicine on my favorite island on spring break, St. Maarten. Keep sharp objects away from my face, this is just not fair:) During the evening Charlotte mentioned "Matty you have to come visit me" Hmmm lets see, go to paradise/ my favorite island in the Caribbean to visit one of my top 10 friends in life? I'm keeping a fare watcher on Travelocity for St. Maarten starting tonight.

The Bad
Charlotte has had some unbelievably bad luck with guys in the past but this one takes the cake. This past year Charlotte, who graduated from Lafayette, dated a freshman. Now most people think they have horrible breakup stories, but this one was borderline unbelievable. Because it is so long im going to paraphrase it in a few bulletpoints

• The breakup starts on a random cold night in Feb., and Char and her boyfriend ordering food, and then brining it back to his dorm. Since it is always so freaking cold in PA Charlotte parks her car illegally to get out of her car and run in the dorm before she freezes to death.
• Being a girl she asks her BF to move her car about 100 yards across campus to a legal spot, an activity that should take roughly 3-5 minutes. The food is still in the car along with her ID, and cell phone.
• 30 minutes later no sign of the BF. Worrying begins. 1 hour, still not back. Char is crying and nervous. Since the BF's phone is dead and her phone is in the car Char is breaking down in front of her BF's friends. Not good times.
• Since Char is one of the 5 people at college to have a land line phone she runs back to her sorority house, and calls her cell phone repeatedly, hoping he picks up. Now 2 hours down the road, she calls public safetly, and tells them her car is missing. At the 3 hour mark she calls her parents and the BF's parents. The 4:30 AM calls never work out well.
• A half hour later Char's room phone rings, and she gets a call from the soon to be ex-BF. He is in the back of a cop car, at the Plymouth Meeting toll booth, (apprx 1:20 hrs from Lafayette)and her car has significant engine damage.
• So the end of their 6 month relationship involved him stealing her car (obviously drunk) driving it around Easton, PA for 2 hours, then deciding to drive home to Baltimore. He had caused $6,000 dollars worth of damage to the engine (it is a stick shift) and scraped the car going through the toll booth, and the food in the car was knocked around everywhere. They were not in a fight and not on bad terms, and he randomly stole her car and could have been charged with grand theft auto.

Saturday

At around 6:30 I picked Greg up to go to Liz's Graduation party in Wykcoff, NJ. He lives about 5 miles from her, yet we almost got lost getting there. Once we got there we met up with Jamie and Dan, and in typical St. Mary's form, found a secluded table to be shady and seclude ourselves from the rest of the party. Liz's party was by far the most elaborate party I have seen. It had servers and a top shelf bar, with far too much alcohol. It was set up like a wedding from 1992, with the tent and all the songs I hated from about 1987-1991.

Mike, Dinger, and Justin showed up about an hour later, and with their arrival the real drinking ensued. Over the course of the night we did our typical routine of not associating with people outside of our circle of friends, but of course teasing them for any physical/or social abnormalities they had. Being out of college for 2 plus weeks did not affect our clique like attitudes in the least. Good times! Once the servers left the bar was left unattended, our true college colors came out as Jagerbombs, Carbombs, and extra strong mixed drinks ensued. As we gallivanted around Liz's house, Greg got a hard-on looking at all the Notre Dame pariphinalia/ memorabilia strewn around her house. At around 12 we lost track of both Justin and Dinger as Justin ran to the bathroom, and Dinger somehow passed out in his car for the remainder of the evening.

While this was a very fun evening, the reason why thise evening was memorable was Mr. Gregory Byrne. Greg didn't drink too much early in the night he made up for it later in the night, and by the time his brother and friend Kim came to pick us up to bring us back to his house to sleep he was in rare form. Kim drove her car and Greg's brother drove mine, and as we got back to his house 2 classic moments in Greg history occurred.

1) As we got back to the house (a house in which Greg has lived in all of his life) he proceeded to walk straight into a tree in his from yard. This was not a small tree, nor was it a tree that hadn't been in his front yard for over 20 years of his life. People walking into things always sadistically cracks me up.

2) Greg is normally very reserved and very passive, as you all know. But this night the bizarro Greg came out momentarily, and he did something that made me laugh uncontrollably for 10-15 minutes. Right before we walked inside Tim and I directed him to where his bed was he said goodbye to Kim. Now him getting lost on his way to bed is normal drunken behavior, but how he said goodbye to Kim was legendary. As she was hugging him goodbye he decided it would be hilarious to "rape her face." Yes this is the same Greg you all know too! Kim has known Greg for over 15 years and was taken 159858% off guard, and could not believe what had just happened!

The best part about this sequence of events is that Greg didn't remember going home, getting out of the car, running into the tree, or raping Kim's face when we reminded him the next morning. He was so shitty he even for got that I slept over, and was surprised to see me in the kitchen talking to his parents in the morning. Moments like this are why Sean, Tim, and I dealt with his lathargicness and bad attitude that he exhibited 70% of the time over the past 4 years.